Homebirth #2

This is the long detailed version, you get what you pay for... the pictures at the end do contain some from the labor, and immediately after the delivery. I am 100% comfortable with them being here for all to see, I know that there were some who were not comfortable with the pictures I posted after my last birth, there are far fewer pictures than last time and if you are comfortable seeing women in bikinis on the beach you should be just fine with these pictures. Enjoy.


I have been asked if my labor was short, and depending on how you look at it would change my answer. I started waking up almost every night for two weeks before I had Natalie and had about 2-4 hours of contractions. They would end in time for the sun to be coming up and the kids to be getting out of bed. It made for a very loooooong two weeks. I woke up early Sunday morning having contractions, but much stronger than the nights before, and started to think that maybe, just maybe this would be it. A few hours later they almost completely stopped and left me to spend the day having a contraction or two every hour, and this was more frustrating than I could handle. We went to my parents house for dinner that night, and while I knew we would make it home without anything major happening the contractions did seem to be building in intensity, but not quantity while we were out. When we got home Danny and Rudi put the kids to bed I showered, and asked Danny to give me a blessing. I am very grateful that he did.


There were two key words that he said in his blessing that shifted my energy and helped me focus on what was going to be happening. The words were surrender and trust. I felt the desire to sit in silence and be with myself and my thoughts, I was really glad this was all after the kids had gone to bed. The mantra surrender, trust, love came into my mind and seemed to calm my whole being down. I got into bed with this on my mind, and as the contractions would come this is what I would chant to myself as they swelled and went away. After about two hours of half sleep contractions I got up because it was no longer comfortable to be laying down. I wasn't convinced at all that I was in real labor, with the way the morning had gone and the two weeks prior I wasn't going to be convinced until my water broke and my baby was crowning! At some point in my sleepy contractions the mantra had changed itself from surrender, trust, love to down, trust, out. I think Danny knew something was up but he didn't say much other than, having contractions? I stood in our bedroom watching TV, and not timing the contractions exactly but aware enough to know that they were every 10 minutes and about 2 minutes long. Again, this was contrary to everything I had ever heard about labor, contractions are supposed to get closer together to be real labor. I completely lost track of time but did recognize that the contractions were increasing in intensity. I still didn't want to say I was in labor yet, I didn't want Danny to go to all the work of getting the birthing pool out only to wake up the next day and still be pregnant. At some point I must have hit the switch, I started my low ohhhhing with the contractions and Danny got out the pool. I almost asked him not to, partly because the only position I had been comfortable in for the past few hours had been standing. I tried to sit, squat, kneel etc. but standing was it. He got the pool filled half way up and we ran out of hot water. I was okay to stand in the pool, with each contraction I felt like I had to pee and this way I could. My contractions still remained about 10 minutes apart and were very intense when I had them. I was getting so very tired, and I didn't know how much longer my legs could hold me up, but I knew that there was no way I was going to be in any other position. I forced myself to not ask about the time, knowing I would trust my instincts a lot more if I wasn't asking a clock for answers. I did ask one time and was very surprised to hear that it was 3 am. I was finally able to back myself into a sitting position in the pool, and was starting to prepare myself for the fact that it could be a lot more hours before this ended.

During a contraction shortly after sitting down my water broke, I yelped! It didn't hurt but scared the living bejeebees out of me. Transition seemed to happen so quickly after this it was overwhelming. Almost immediately after my water broke I flipped over onto my hands and knees. I am certain that when my water broke my baby flipped herself around from being posterior to anterior and this enabled me to be more comfortable in my preferred birthing position. I also started to cry and remember thinking and saying I don't want to do this I can't do this. In my sane mind I knew this was a good sign that meant I was in transition and that it wouldn't be much longer. In my not so sane mind I was thinking about how I wanted to go and have a c-section and be done with it! These thoughts didn't have much time to stick around because I started to feel like I needed to push with each contraction, that was still about 10 minutes apart. I was still in a bit of disbelief that I was feeling the need to push already and tried to not push but as anyone who has ever felt the need to push a baby out can tell you, body wins on that one. I pushed with about 4 contractions and was feeling very defeated as I felt that I wasn't getting anywhere with the pushing. I had one last overwhelming moment of doubt and fear. As quickly as the moment started, I had gratitude that the contractions were so far apart. I was able to literally sit up, close myself off from birthing, take deep breathes and find myself, and why I was doing what I was doing the way I was doing it again. As soon as the next contraction started up I knew I was all in. I pushed and was rewarded with the feeling of her head descending. On the next contraction (that so kindly came much quicker than the others) I delivered her head. Here is where I yell my famous line of get it out, knowing in my heart that I don't want anyone to lay a hand on my baby, and luckily Danny knows this. I tried to push her out without a contraction, and was reminded that contractions actually do serve a purpose. I waited and on the next contraction pushed the rest of my baby out. I immediately turned myself around to sitting and scooped my prize out of the water. Then I cried, sobbed, and released a lot of emotion. They weren't tears of joy, or sadness, they were tears of pure raw emotion, there isn't a label that can be put on what I felt in that moment, other than purity.


There is nothing more wonderful than that first moment of having the life that was inside of you clinging to you but on the outside. It would take more than a small army to pry my newborn from my arms in those first moments. Danny and I were the only ones there and I wouldn't trade that for anything. The feelings that I had regarding this homebirth were very different than they were the last time. At first it seemed a little anti-climatic. I couldn't imagine giving birth any other way, so it was very natural. Also the empowering feelings that I had the last time were no where to be seen as well. I was grateful to be holding my baby, grateful that it was over, and felt very raw and pure in that moment. As the days have come since having Natalie the feelings of wonder and awe at the very awesome nature of birth have overcome me, and I once again am struck with the power of God to design a woman with the ability to achieve such a high magnitude of glory. Again my feelings remain very pure and raw and without words about the whole experience.


I know the reason my feelings seem so raw is that for the moments that I was actively pushing and then holding my new baby I was 100% real. With my first homebirth I had visions, and decisions about how it was supposed to be. While my experience was somewhat different than I had envisioned I was still in my head trying to control the experience. Just days before going into labor I read somewhere about letting go and allowing yourself to be exactly what you needed to be to give birth. I appreciated this as I had always felt I had failed myself by being so vocal (read screaming) the first homebirth. This time around I gave into that and I found a part of myself that was buried very deep, and it was wonderful to let that raw true self have a moment in time to be. I am glad that only Danny was with me, as anyone else may have hindered my ability to truly "go there."


After being so convince this whole pregnancy that this baby was a boy, after getting it into my arms I was no longer convinced. Danny said something and in referencing the baby said he, and I asked him if he was sure, he said no. I checked, and much to my non surprise my he is a she. I would have been happy either way, we haven't ever had any of our children in an effort to have one or the other, but to me this seemed significant after all my 99.9% conviction of having a boy I was 99.9% wrong and it felt so good! She had a pretty short umbilical cord, and she wanted to nurse almost immediately so after about 10 minutes we cut the cord and Danny had his first moments with his FIFTH daughter!! I started to shake, very badly right after having her, and while I knew that I was okay I needed Danny to reassure me, he said he was pretty sure I was in a bit of shock. Seeing how everything really did go so quickly it didn't surprise me. I was happy to get out of the pool, and latch my new little nursling on. After a short bout of that I was no longer comfortable because I was having contractions again. I had to "labor" to the placenta the same way I labored for the baby, standing up. At this point it's a good thing it didn't take to long (only about 20 minutes of standing) to deliver the placenta, I don't know how much longer my legs would've held up. I retrieved my baby from her daddy and he went to inspect and cut up the placenta. Everything was fine with the placenta, and much to many peoples fear I did swallow some of it raw. Don't worry some day there will be a whole post dedicated to that. In the meantime I have to laugh, as the first thing a friend said to me when she heard we were going to have our first homebirth was promise me you won't eat your placenta, in the moment I said of course not. How things can change!


Danny asked if I wanted to wake up the other kids, it was about 5:30, she was born at 4:11, I said no I am enjoying our time right now. I showered and the three of us got into bed. A few moments later Katey woke up and was so happy to see a pool in the middle of our bedroom. Danny tried to show her the baby, who was nursing, but she was more interested in the pool. That was until the baby started to cry. I will never forget the look of amazement, delight, and surprise in my little girls eyes! Over the course of the next hour or so our other children woke up and all delighted to see that the baby in moms tummy had finally made it's debut. They were surprised that she was a girl, Nathan kept saying, and it's a girl too. Annika was the only one who was really hoping for another brother. They were surprised they had slept through the whole thing, as was I my throat hurt from screaming, but didn't care that they had missed it.


I was impatient most of this pregnancy and labor and delivery. I am now learning a lesson in patience, it's a beautiful gratifying, humbling thing. Surrender, Trust, Love.


Here is a link to my first homebirth http://freeinfofriday.blogspot.com/search/label/Homebirth